Yesterday evening, just as we were settling down to dinner, there was a sharp tap at the window. It was our neighbour, Manel. He always comes round at dinner time – , perhaps he is particularly sensitive to kitchen smells. Once he had got an ice-cold Super-Bock in his fist, he sat down.

“They are coming back from Japan.” he said. As if in explanation he added, “There are a lot of Portuguese everywhere.” Silence reigned whilst he took a massive gulp from his beer.

Two hours and several beers later, our meal waiting in the oven was fatally destroyed. Manel fished about in his pocket and produced a tacky ticket. Pig food, he explained. We share a pig with him. He looks after it, I pay the bills. It works fine, we are now on our second pig.

I have this idea that we could finance the film with pigs. I can see it up on this site. A button with “Donate by Pigpal” and a fancy logo of a pig’s snout. I must find out from the bank what the going exchange rate is for pigs. .

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